August 10th

It’s been a quiet day. I’ve had a nervous tummy all day though, it’s weird, I don’t know what’s caused it, just anxious I guess. 

Today I was reminded that my little issues are insignificant, and that no matter how sucky my life may seem at times, I am incredibly lucky to be so fortunate as to have my health and safety. It would be disrespectful to reveal anything further, even though the people involved will never see this, I’m just keeping you updated on my ever changing state of mind. This is it just now. 

I am excited for: Sunday so much now, John Green reading and YouTube gathering in Edinburgh, in case I haven’t prattled on about it enough already. 

On the topic of the John Green reading, I was nervous even thinking about it last night, how is one supposed to contain themselves in front of someone they admire so much? It will take a great deal of self restraint on my part not to just a) scream and yell “You’re my hero” or b) (the more horrifying possibility) just cry… right there… cry. Whatadouchebag I am. 

 I wish: I will receive my cheque for filming tomorrow so I can feed my cat and my self

I will: Do productive things tomorrow. 

I aspire to: Write 30 pages tomorrow (it’s a do-able challenge as long as I get up early enough).

Given my newly renewed respect for life, I am going to write a list of things I hope an aspire to, whether in the near or distant future. It might be interesting to look back on one day. Or it might make me depressed and flighty like that episode of How I Met Your Mother when Marshall reads his letter to his future self and realises he’s failed himself. 

Dear future Paige, 

On the 10th of August 2010, these were your hopes and dreams, while I don’t expect that you will follow every one of these, I do hope that you are happy and fulfilled.

1. I wish to pass University, with honours and a decent grade without resitting a year.

2. I wish to be employed doing something I have a passion for, that challenges me, every single day. 

3. I wish to have my health, and that all the people I love have the same. 

4. I wish to have a novel published (not self published, it doesn’t count unless the book industry is so drastically different that this is the norm)

5. I wish to travel to America, Canada Italy, France, Egypt, Australia, New Zeland, Berlin, Amsterdam, and all the other beautiful places in the world.

6. I wish to beat Super Mario Bros for DS, because it is haaard. 

7. I wish to lose 2 stone by the end of the year. 

8. I wish to retain that weight. 

9. I wish to make many, many new important friends, but still hold on to the important ones from now. 

10. I wish to direct a play for the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

11. I wish to write a play which is shown in a professional theatre.

12. I wish to never hold a grudge. 

13. I wish to learn a second language

14. I wish to be kind and gracious in my life as much as I can, and for people to remember me for this.  

I think that’s doable, don’t you?

If you’d like, leave me a note with your hopes. I’d love to read them. 

August 9th

I have spent almost my entire day in this exact spot, trying to be creative. I have my “staring at the computer” glasses on to save my poor eyes. To be honest, I’ve not felt very creative most of the day, but there’s just something about listening to John Green on blogtv that kind of spurs me on a little. 

He spent quite a lot of time discussing copyright and piracy facing the book industry. Given that this is the area I would like the break in to eventually, it was interesting to hear the argument from someone immersed in the industry. As I’ve said before, I have a great respect for books and what they mean to individuals and groups of people. As a result I’m generally opposed to piracy of books. However, I own a lot of books, when I say a lot of books, I mean a LOT of books, and last christmas, my gift was an Amazon Kindle, an ebook reading device which is more popularised in the U.S. than here in the U.K. I chose this gift because during term time at Uni I spend the vast majority of my time on one of the four trains I need to take in a day and a big book is a huge weight to add to my handbag along with all my school books and equipment I need to carry around. In fact, there were more than a few books I hadn’t read for precisely this reason, they were simply too heavy to leave the house with. Hence, an ebook reader was a very clever investment.  

So, herein lies my predicament, I already have hundreds of books I’d like to put on my e-reader, yet amazon and everyone vehemently on the “downloading book is piracy… baaaad pirates” side of the debate would like me to spend the cost of an ebook, on top of what I’ve already paid for it’s physical counterpart in order to have the privilege of having it on my little gadget. Well I say, no. Until such times as the publishing industry can work out some way to allow people to download ebooks for free using a serial number or something when they’ve bought a physical copy, then I will illegally download. I’m sorry, I have an immense respect and admiration for published authors, I just don’t see why I should pay twice for the same product. 

Although, following this, I do not condone downloading books you have not bought already, it’s stealing and damaging to its creator. If we don’t want the authors we admire so deeply to have to stop doing what they’re doing and thus deny us their amazing creations, then by god, just pay the £3.00 or whatever it is for an ebook download. 

This is probably going to be another disjointed and odd debate on my side, but I have to wonder about this “book stealing” even I feel so strongly about. A lot of the books I’ve read have been passed through the two other women in my family, and to some of my trusted friends who I know will look after my book. Is that book stealing? Lending out a book? Because according to the copyright notice at the start of most books, it is. I think any author would share my opinion that a lot of books find their audience through word of mouth, and I know that for myself and a lot of my friends, if I like a book I’ve been loaned, I’ll buy a copy for myself, so that can’t be damaging for the book industry surely?

On a similar note, if I were to download a book on a skint week, I will more than likely buy a physical copy that I can pencil in and highlight my favourite parts when I’m feeling a little more affluent, and in that respect, it’s really no different from a library, and one could even argue, beneficial for the authors by allowing people to read before they buy and decide whether they like what they see. I know there are many people who wont use it this way, and think it’s ok just to take whatever book are “available” on certain sites to those who look for it, with no regard for it’s creator. 

This is a very similar argument to the much publicised war against the pirates in the music industry, and the theft of anyone’s creative output is awful, but I believe this is worse. Writers put their blood sweat and tears in to their books, even more so a first novel, for years, just for someone on the internet to take it like it’s a complimentary mint. It would take someone with either a very thick skin or a very weighty bank account not to be disheartened by this. 

Perhaps unless some clever monkey thinks of a way to outsmart the pirates (unlikely), there is perhaps no way to avoid this issue in our now digital world. 

August 8th

August 8th

Arrrg!!

I can’t think today, and I need to. It is no good. I should not have stayed up so late last night, knowing I have so much to do, or napped this afternoon because it was so hot after I came home from work, or wasted time on facebook… again. I should not have left everything til the last minute, as is my unfortunate habit. What a silly Paige. 

This is a rubbish August 8th post, however, here are some thoughts for the day. 

Why do people steal cutlery from restaurants, knowing it wont match anything you already have in the house?

Why do people go in to cafes/restaurants, read the menu, then ask for something that’s not on there? Do you think there’s a secret menu we’re hiding from you? … Tubes. 

 

August 7th

August 7th

Oh my goodness. Toy Story was fantastic. It was everything I hoped it would be and so much more. To me, it was a film that was made mostly for the now adults who, like me, remember being taken to the cinema way back in 1996 to see Woody and team off on an enchanting adventure. Now, 14 years later, we’re all a little older, yet the magic still holds. I didn’t just feel nostalgic as I watched Woody get all exasperated with the other toys when they weren’t listening, I felt literally catapulted back to my five year old self, wide-eyed with amazement. 

Toy Story 3 has come out at exactly the right time in my life for it to be just that bit more poignant, I, like Andy have just flown the nest, and feel tug of my child self every once and a while, wishing to be back at home with all my teddies around me in bed and nothing more to worry about than whether I would play with my teddies or Barbies that day. My parents have always reminded me just how much I loved my own Woody, a bear bought for me not long after I was born, Scruffy, who now lives up to his name more than ever, his once soft fur more than a little matted and faded and rather large bald patch on the back. Scruffy went everywhere with me for probably what was a little longer than most children, and even when it came the time that Scruffy didn’t get to go on excursions anymore, he slept in my bed with me. I would be devastated if anything happened to him, and he would definitely be the least practical item on my “five things I’d save in a fire” list. But even at nearly 19, I couldn’t part with him. Which is I suppose where Andy and I differ. I am too selfish to give Scruffy away, even to a nice little girl who promised to look after him and love him as much as I do. I expect, even when I’m middle aged, married and altogether a grown up. Scruffy will have his place in my bedroom with me where he belongs. Everyone has their comforts, mine is Scruffy. 

 

August 6th

It’s amazing how low my body’s tolerance for caffeine is.  I had an espresso at work this morning, just to perk me up because I wasn’t feeling quite awake yet. It didn’t just perk me up, I would probably swear blind that I was moving about 25% faster that everyone else for the three hours I was at work, and subsequently started a full blown assault on my own kitchen when I got home. Dishes? Done. Counters? Spotless. Washing? Emptied, and re-filled. Eeep, I need to drink coffee more often, shame I hate instant. 

My work trial went well, I’m working again Saturday night and I think I have the job for definite. Score!

It’s scary trying to be a grown-up, I began to write an invoice for a filming job I did as a favour for some friends, only to realise I had absolutely no idea how to go about writing an invoice. Google is my friend. Had to use a template and adjust accordingly. Still, in the days before Google, it must have been a lot more difficult to learn how to do these things properly, after all, there’s no one around here who would be able to tell me how to do things like that. It’s exciting though, makes me feel like it’s the first step of doing proper business, getting paid for doing something that I’m actually trained in. 

I am going to see Toy Story 3 tonight, and I am incredibly excited. Been waiting for ages and no one would take me. I have been advised to take tissues, and seeing as I’m a total wimp when it comes to anything even a little sad, this is probably very sound advice. Also, I can finally stop petulantly sticking my fingers in my ears any time someone makes mention of it in case they spoil it for me. 

I know it is only August 6th and I have a long way to go, but I genuinely believe -to the best of my memory’s capabilities - that 6 days is the longest time I’ve ever done something day by day consecutively. This is a bit of an achievement for me, not tooting on my own trumpet or anything, just making note of the fact that I’m really enjoying this bloggy stuff. Also, If you’re reading, please leave me notes, I like talking to people :)

I came across this wonderful little invention today

http://lab.andre-michelle.com/pulsate

It’s hypnotic and wonderful, I urge you to play with it for at least five minutes. 

I am now off to make myself look presentable enough to be seen by vertebrae who arn’t my cat.  

Til tomorrow chums…

August 5th

I have a work trial tonight… yes, again. I am terrified… again. I just hate starting new jobs. This one is even easier because I know lots of people who work at this particular restaurant, including my boyfriend, and yet I am still bricking it. 

Wouldn’t life just be so much easier if you could get a practise run in a place when no one else is there, just to let you work out where everything’s kept, how to manoeuvre around it without banging yourself off table legs, where they hide the more obscure brands of alcohol and whether diet coke is, in fact situated beside regular coke (I have worked in places where this hasn’t been the case, it just makes no sense to me). No such luck and tonight I will be thrown in to an evening service with absolutely no idea what I’m doing. Yey.

Not that I’m not excited, I am. If this works out I’ll have a job that give me about 10 hours a week at least, I’ll know what they are more that 6 hours before the shift starts, and I wont have to walk a mile an a half to get there, these things are luxuries I don’t currently possess. I’m just scared, especially since my boyfriend works there, and he’s made me sound like this competent, sensible person, I just don’t want to embarrass him. Or drop anything breakable… 

Which, to be frank, is very likely as I shake like a dashboard ornament when I’m nervous. 

In another note, it’s my birthday next week, and I’m happy to already know my plans for it. This level of organisation is extremely unusual for me :)

August 4th

Instead of doing productive things and working properly. I’m sitting playing super mario brothers for DSi. Some may argue that this goes against everything that I said in my post yesterday, I disagree. I think that in playing something aimless and pointless, I’m achieving the exact effect I desire. Doing nothing. 

To fill up space today I’m stealing a little something from www.hayleyghoover.blogspot.com , the hilarious HayleygHoover. 

I saw: My future prospects trickle away a little more as I ignore the important things in my life. 

I heard: The now ample selection of music I have from DFTBA records, and loved it

I felt: My hair, and it’s lovely because of the new aussie shampoo and five minute wonder I used in the shower this morning

I tasted: My first chippie in months, and I didn’t enjoy it at all. 

On another note, I got my funding application completed, so I should have my money on time this year, so that’s a win. 

August 2nd

technically…..

Well, it’s shortly after midnight, and I haven’t been to sleep yet, so in my mind it is still the 2nd of August. Still counts…. stop looking at me like that, it does. 

I had nothing interesting to say this afternoon, and I’m just home from an excellent night in Glasgow (my closest major city). I went to a variety/comedy/arts night at a little vegetarian cafe/bar called The 13th Note, and to be honest it was the best night out in a while. The simple reason for this is that it was a little something different. I am sick and tired of the four walls of my groups’ chosen local pub and unfortunately it seems to be one of the few places we gather socially as a group these days. 

The stand up performers were a definite highlight, a friend was doing stand up for the first time, and he did really well, however the others seemed to be mostly semi-professional, and have upcoming shows at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival this month, so we got a nice little £2 preview. Not too shabby :).  

Another stand-out bit (as opposed to Stand-Up…. see what I did there…. yes, I’m not a comedian) was a guy who was rapping in a way I have never seen rap done before. He was like a Robin Williams/Jim Carey split personality to music. Wearing smart trousers and braces, the thickest lensed glasses I’ve ever seen and what can only be described as a squished fez. I’m sure it has a proper name, I don’t know what that name is. It was phenomenal…

As a writer, I always knew I’d be somewhat critical of my peers who were reading, but if I’m being really honest, a lot of it was studenty nonsense. A lot of poetry refering to some sort of revolution. Personally, I have absolutely no concept of what they may mean by this. These days, as a student in Scotland, we’re not actually that hard done by, our fees are paid; we are provided with a bit of money to live on; females, males, homosexual people, and people of all ethnicities are by and large all accepted and not oppressed in any way in the University culture. What do we have to revolt against? Except maybe our badly run Universities… but that’s a rant for a different day. However, I respect completely that they did it, it takes a lot of bravery to stand up and read what you’ve written to a judgemental (and in many cases… drunk) crowd, effectively putting a piece of your soul in the centre of a pit of dogs with questionable temperaments and hoping that they wont tear you apart. And I admire that even if I don’t agree with the sentiments shared by the poetry, it’s made me think. The fact that I even have an opinion, albeit opposing, puts it a step above most of the televised programming I’ve been watching recently, which renders me blank most of the time. 

It sounds cliché to say that I left inspired, but I genuinely did . There’s just something utterly refreshing about going to an event where people are sharing bits of their imagination for no other reason than for the love of it. 

Speak to you all tomorrow 

August 1st

The first day…. And I nearly forgot. Great start Paige. 

So, it’s Sunday August 1st, I am sitting half watching Back to the Future and half flicking through various websites I visit on an all too regular basis. I have plenty I could be doing, finishing my screenplay and catching up on things generally, but I’m not. 

Do you know why this is? Because I’ve had a rubbish day.  

It’s all too easy to moan away to you little blog, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Last summer I spent most of my time working, 6 days over 7 usually, about 10 hours a day. I didn’t particularly like my job, but it paid pretty well and I worked so much that I didn’t really have time to spend my money, and as a result, it accumulated quite nicely. This summer however, I have a different job. It pays… poorly, and these days I seem to be working an average of four hours over 2 days. Which basically means my wages are spent by Sunday evening. The difference is, I quite like this job, and it would be absolutely ideal if it gave me more hours. 

“Just get a new job!” I hear you all cry…. silently… In my mind…

Well, I would, except that I’m not qualified for much else other than hospitality, and there are roughly no jobs going in that area where I live at the moment, plus, it would mean giving up my current job, where the people are nice, to some unknown entity. Scary stuff. 

Also, I’ve been promised more hours for weeks now, and every time I consider applying for something else, my manager says he’ll be getting rid of the newest girl because she’s not very good and there isn’t money to pay her and asks me if I want the shifts. However these past few weeks this very same girl has been getting more hours than me. How is that morally even allowed? And how is someone supposed to survive and support herself on less than £20 a week? I would be earning more on the dole, if I was allowed to be on the dole, which I’m not, because I’m a student and apparently only entitled to money 9 months of the year. Absolute Poo. 

Moan over. Oh, except one thing, I burnt the roof of my mouth earlier eating a very tasty bruchetta. Bitter sweet or what?

It’s weird, I’ve been sitting facing a blank word document for days, unable to write, then all of a sudden, I’m faced with my lovely safe blog, which lets face it, only about two people read, and I’m a typing maniac, battering out 400 words without breaking a sweat. What is wrong with me?! I think it’s the fact that I have all these separate and disparate ideas floating around my head, all arguing with one another for priority, and I don’t really have much faith in any of them, they don’t seem to have a lot of mileage for me to run with and actually complete a story. Silly characters… failing me all of the time. 

Well this has been a strange and disjointed bloggy blog, but I feel better having vented my spleen, thank you :)