Procrastination station.

I should never run a country. I would literally never get anything done.
I am gifted at procrastination, it's one of my many skills... just I never usually get around to practising those skills, because I'm too busy concentrating on procrastinating.
I still have an 18 page script to do.... I have still only completed.... zero pages. It's actually gotten serious now, it is due along with a 1000 word evaluation in 23 hours. Needless to say, I'm pretty screwed.

I have just made myself the biggest cup of coffee in the world, in the hope it will cure my drowsiness,



Now... to write!

I went out for dinner last night...

Fail.

Dear reader, in avoiding the stereotypical, Hi! I'm Paige and I'm going to write a blog now post, I realise that I have neglected to tell you much about myself.

I'm 18, I'm from Scotland and I'm at University studying Film and Screen-writing, and am currently at the end of my second year. I love the subject, but hate the institution, and hopefully that can be rectified soon. Oh dear, what a little box, I'm putting myself in, but I suppose if anyone were to read this, they'd find out more in due course.

Today, I am tired, I had work, far too early yesterday for my liking then a full day's rehearsal for the show this weekend. Hopefully tired and groggy is a good way to feel to write a screenplay, because that is what I absolutely need to do today.

I think that the good angels of the internet are doing my a favour today, facebook wont work on my computer, so spending endless hours on that, commenting and playing a bit of school of wizardry and bejewelled are out. This can only be a good thing.

Last night proved two interesting things to my mind. 1. I hate confrontation, and will go to most lengths to avoid it. 2. I can do confrontation when I know it wont lead to an argument.

I suppose years of a guaranteed very very negative reaction to any form of confrontation has taught my little sub-conscious that saying what's bothering me, will no doubt lead to awful things, and that it's best to avoid it. Even now, typing and thinking about the situation brings an unbearable crushing feeling around my chest, and feel short of breath and shaky.

However, with situation number 2 of last night, I knew the outcome wouldn't be shouting and bawling, and asked the person what was going on, and they told me and apologised. That's why I love him.

It's a weird one.

Slim Fast Update and awesome friends.

I did ok yesterday,

Cheated a little bit, but being called into work early doesn't help me. I had no time to pack any cereal bars into my bag and I'd been working for 6 hours and had had nothing to eat since that minging shake. So... 2 slices of foccacia and a quarter of a muffin, those were sins. I did well otherwise, I usually graze a lot at work (a problem of working with food) so I'm altogether quite pleased with myself.

I have had a yogurt bar for breakfast, and have a strawberry milkshake cooling in the fridge for me later.

How banal... but writing about it helps me, I feel if I have to publish it in my blog, then I'll be disinclined to cheat, because it would mean lying to things other than myself and writing that slice of cake down provokes enough shame to make me not want to do it tomorrow. Makes sense? kaythanks.

In other news. My friend Claire is the best person ever, she just got back from New York (having been delayed for about 6 days due to the volcanic eruption) and has been promising me an amazing present since she got there. To let you understand, about 2 weeks before she left, I had looked up John Green's tour dates, and to my utter excitement, Claire would be in the city when he was. I told her immediately, and she was almost as excited as I was (which is testament to my love of John Green, because I wasn't even going to New York, I was just excited that she'd get to meet him). I few days later, she let me down gently, her itinerary for the trip was too overloaded, she wouldn't be going to see John. I have to confess... I was heartbroken. What person in their right mind wouldn't grab the chance to see John Green?! I even resented her a little... there! I said it!.

So she sends me updates of New York, it sounds amazing, I'm going as soon as I have money to. And promises of an even more awesome present than a signed copy of Will Grayson Will Grayson . Difficult to fathom, I know, but I was intrigued.

Last night I was doing the essential flipping through of Claire's trip buddy, Kat's pictures on facebook, and I come across one picture of Kat, holding a signed copy of David Levithan's, Nick and Norah's infinite playlist. Two emotions corssed my mind.... 1. "Ohwaitasecond... they went anyway?! boo claire.... just boo" and 2. "OMGEEE they WENT... and saw John and OMGEEE". I commented right away, and suddenly Claire IMs me.

"Kat wasted it!"

As it turns out, Claire went to great lengths to surprise me, ever since I told her about the signing, so as of Monday I will be the proud owner of a signed by John freaking Green copy of Will Grayson Will Grayson. How stoked am I?!

So yes.... this is why I have great friends. And also why I missed Claire terribly while she was in New York, she's amazing.

Why do women do this to themselves? And other stories...

Today was intended to be the start of a new me. A new, motivated, practical and determined me.

This started with the first trial of my new diet plan, (because apparently I've gotten so fat that my mother thinks I'm pregnant, go figure). I decided to go for the easy way out, a notarealdiet approach to start me off. Enter the slim-fast plan, a shake and snack bar oriented thing, where you replace meals with a shake or a snack bar and have one 600 calorie meal at dinner time. In the supermarket yesterday I perused the shelves for a good 5 minutes, trying to decide whether to go for individual bottles, the cheaper, powder option or cartons. In the end I went for the big tub of allegedly chocolate flavour powder. Last night was the last supper, a deliciously not sensible pie and boiled potatoes, with lashings of gravy. And oh god do I miss it already, when this morning I wake up, deliberating over the shake or snack bar - actual food options. Since I eat the snack bars as just snacks anyway, I gave the "chocolate shake" a go. 2 scoops into 250 ml of milk, stir well. Now with a their "chocolate flavour" advertising, one would expect said shake to taste of something resembling chocolate, not the case. At all. Let's just say that it is at least partly drinkable if I hold my nose, to keep at bay the cardboard after taste that accompanies it as it sloshes down your throat. I'm not hopeful that the strawberry one will be much better. Please forgive me if I sound like the pages you skip in any women's magazine, but if it's supposed to help me loose weight, and conform to the British health standards, then why doesn't it taste nice? I think I'm in for a depressing few months if this shake is going to be my primary food group.

Today I am supposed to be writing a screenplay. 18 pages in total and due for Wednesday at 11am, I have not started said screenplay and I have had around 6 weeks in which to do it. This is not a good thing. I have had a complete lack of inspiration, and I feel like I literally have no good ideas, which is problematic when the majority of my coursework for this year relies of creative output. Where are my muses?! Also, I feel I can write off at least a week and half a couple of weeks ago, which I barely remember and staggered through, zombie-like in a complete state of numbness. It was the strangest thing, feeling numb and upset in waves for 10 days for what felt like no reason at all. Thankfully, that seems to have ebbed away slightly, and I can somewhat function like a human being again, capable of conversation and interaction, which was beyond me a fortnight ago. Literally about all I was able to do was go through set tasks, 1. Go to work, ok done. 2. Survive the weekend at work with that tingly about to cry feeling in your nose, ok.... just about managed, with only the prospect of looking like a total loon in front of my new employer and colleagues keeping normality on the surface. 3. Being normal with boyfriend.... well, this one was a bit of an issue, but he broke me at about day 10 in to a bubbly mess, and partly I have him to thank for pulling me out of it. Boyfriend points... why yes.

What a miserable little person I sound like today. But then again, since I have a total of zero readers, then I suppose no one is going to mind much if I treat this like a dear diary and ramble on. Mostly this is a therapeutic exercise, to stretch those writing muscles and practise the actual act of getting words on a page so that I can get my assignment done. Will it work, I suppose we shall see.

In good news, I got my copy of Will Grayson, Will Grayson today, I ordered it about 2, maybe 3 weeks ago, and since it had to be shipped from the good old USA, I suspect the Icelandic volcanic ash problem delayed it getting to me somewhat. This book will be kept as a treat until I get my homework done, which will hopefully be another motivating factor.

You know how I was going to be all new and motivated today? Well it's 13.03pm, and I am still in my pyjamas... Maybe that motivation thing wont work out for today after all.

edit: I have one follower, hiya hello&goodbye, you followed me literally as I was proclaiming I have no readers. :)

Sunshine and feeling good.

It's amazing how a little bit of good weather can suddenly make you feel better. After a few weeks of feeling stuck and altogether lost, this little spurt of sunshine and brightness just suddenly makes everything a little more bearable, and your heart lifts a little because everyone around you is suddenly in a better mood too.

Currently I am sitting out in my garden with my, once cold, but now rather warm and sickly juice sitting my my side, my lips still tingling from the veggie delight subway with chipotle southwest sauce I've just polished off and I'm squinting at the barely readable screen because the sun's so bright and all I can see is my own reflection staring back at me.

...Or rather not

Perhaps nights up late writing, or rather not writing, have taken their toll, because in all honesty, I completely forgot about this blog. I am maybe getting senile before my time, but I just forgot, until I was reading another blog, went to follow it and realised, mygoodnessandwaitasecond... IHAVEONE OFTHOSE.... woops.